Julian Tavarez, I miss you, buddy

Okay, this just had to be posted, and won't need much explanation. Julian Tavarez on why he signed a minor league deal with the Washington Nationals:

“Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me.”